Living without desires?

Acceptance of what is is a wisdom which most of us have difficulties to swallow. Desires are built on the assumption that the surrounding reality is not satisfactory. We become spellbound to constantly long after our objects of desire. In the best case, we become aware of the fantasies projected by desires. So, what if there is some grain of truth in the spiritual teachings of accepting what is?

When we don’t get what we want

Desires can have good and bad benefits in our lives. Their ultimate effect depends on how aware we are of our yearning.

The positive side of desires is that they give the dynamic touch to life. Desires are about improved lives.

We set goals based on the wishes of our hearts and we try hard to reach them. We are happy that the best time of our life is just around the corner.

The less positive side of being in a longing state of mind is that we get stuck with planning the future, which may be a hindrance to living in the present.

Not to mention that when things don’t turn out the way we want them to, the feeling of being a victim of life appears.

Spiritual teachers such as Nirmala and Eckhart Tolle argue that acceptance of what is, is the way to sustainable happiness. Yet, for some of us, this spiritual wisdom may be difficult to understand, let alone to practice it.

For example, someone may think, “What kind of nonsense is that, to accept that I can’t make as much money as I want?”

Why do I want so much what I want?

When things don’t turn out the way we want them to, it may help to go to the root of the problems and ask ourselves, “Why do I want to be rich?”

A general answer would be, “Money brings happiness”. The next question is to ask ourselves why we think we would be happy if we were rich.

We may afford a bigger house or a more expensive car.

We can buy a higher value health care insurance.

We can afford to travel more.

We may be better treated by others.

We would be more covered in case of any unknown event in the future.

We would be successful then.

All these answers are assumptions about a future time, which can’t be controlled by any human being, poor or rich.

Life has its own flow, which shapes our destinies in other ways than we can possibly imagine.

As hard as it sounds, try to silence the desires for a day or two

Instead of becoming obsessed with the discrepancy between the perceived reality and our desires, maybe one day we’ll be inspired to listen what life has to offer.

Based on that, take what we feel it is in alignment with our inner being and live today.

The first exercise of acceptance of what is

Have we accepted our origins? Can we honestly say that we love our parents and siblings the way they are? Despite their faults?

When the answer is yes, then we have the first sign of acceptance of what is. From this moment on, we start building enriching relationships with them.

Enriching interactions with family members require humbleness and awareness to what happens around us. And gratefulness for the upbringing that we received.

What do we get when we have learned acceptance?

Eventually, I believe it is less important to get what we want. What counts for sustainable happiness is to know how to be at ease with the present despite that we may not have what we want.

After all, how can we know that what we want is really good for us?

What kind of effects do desires have in your life? Please feel free to share with us in the field below allocated for comments.

What is failure?

In order to achieve wealth, humankind invented the concept of performance. Charles Darwin’s theory on survival of the fittest is confirmed in everyday life when winners are loved, losers forgotten. Despite all this, with each omission of performance, we have the chance to discover what is truly important for us. 

The other side of performance

The Merriam-Webster dictionary says that failure is “omission of occurrence or performance.”. Already in kindergarten, we are introduced to the world of performance, when we recite poetry, dance and sing in front of the audience of parents.

Our taste for performance develops as we go through school. Yet, in school we are not taught how to cope with failure.

We are motivated with grades and praises to be successful. The top students are the favourites of teachers.

When we start our working life, the mere presence of our boss is a reminder that we are hired there to perform.

Choose any profession and you’ll have a set of performance measures assigned to it. For example, doctors can be assessed based on the number of patients. Researchers can be evaluated based on the number of publications and the quality of journals where they publish their work.

What happens if we fail to perform?

Whether we are fired or penalised for bad performance, we have the opportunity to look at life from a deeper perspective. Even those of us who perceive themselves as performers are not defined by performance.

Our identity does not need to be based on profession. We may need to reassess what we are good at, what motivates us, what makes us tick.

Performance may play its role in the evaluation of progress in economy but it should not be confused with Life.

We are human beings with amazing potential to express ourselves freely and creatively. For that, we need to get out of the way the obsession with performance.

In my personal dictionary, failure is the opportunity to get in touch with our intuition and start acting based on it.


Bye bye sufferance, welcome mindfulness!

Making changes in life is a complex process, which can cause lots of confusion. Mindfulness, the ability to focus on the present without being judgemental can help us manage the change in a healthier and more pleasant manner.

When we talk about change in personal life, mindfulness means mainly wrapping ourselves in the love inside and around us. At the same time, it is important to cultivate patience, courage and faith – pillars of mindfulness of change. 

What is the intuition telling you?

Now when the Spring is sheepishly showing its face, some of us can’t help paying attention to their inner voice which says, “A new stage of life transformation is waiting for you.”

It’s not the first life transformation you’re going through! Oh no! Your soul and mind remember how it is to be battered with self-doubt, insecurities and fear of failure. Agonising between the lows of disappointment and the highs of envisioned dreams, you may conclude, “Why bother! Life is good the way it is!”.

For some of us, life is good the way it is, and we are free to reply to our inner voice, “Why don’t you bugger off?”

Others say, “You know what, Inner Voice? This new life transformation is part of my destiny. Thank you for reminding me! ”

For once, we can make the change happen with less sufferance, and a more positive attitude to change.

Positive Attitude to Change

Love: Focusing on the love inside and around us is the anchor to the present.

Be present both with the body and soul to the dear ones who need us. Find creative ways of spending time together. Be receptive to their needs.

You may think you don’t have time. Well, think twice. Don’t underestimate the inspiration and creativity that spring from love.

Patience: Take the steps towards the new chapter in life, but do keep in mind that patience is a virtue. Be persistent and reassess your strategies.

Life transformation is a complex process that consists of different stages: hearing the inner call to change, searching for ways to make it happen, concrete actions, achievement.

Courage: Achievement means living the transformation. There is no such thing as failure. Each transformation brings us closer to who we really are.

The transformed life may not be the way we envisioned it, but it surely feels that’s the life we are meant to live.

Faith: Hold onto the belief that change has its own timing. Don’t be discouraged by the surrounding reality, which does not seem to point in the direction of change.

The way the first bird singing signals that Spring is around the corner, in the same way, the whisper of the inner voice shows that we will get all the help of the Universe to make the transformational stage happen.

Last but not least, take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the ride with all the bumps on the road! This is life!

How tolerant should we be with others’ intolerance?

You’ve been hired in an organisation where after the first week, you find out that some colleagues and bosses are xenophobes. What is there to do?

Pretend that you don’t see how they belittle you because in their eyes you are less reliable and less professional?

You may want to punch them. It may feel very good for a few seconds, but maybe other approach may be constructive in the long run.

You can’t change others’ opinions easily. I consider it a waste of time. Instead, for the sake of your inner balance, you can embark on a journey of learning how to be tolerant with their intolerance.

The first step in the journey is to accept that we feel negativity caused by the tension between us and the xenophobic colleagues or bosses. Whatever happens, remember not to take it personally.

The second step is to remind ourselves that we deserve a working environment where we are accepted as human beings, irrespective of our nationalities, and where our professional skills are appreciated. In the current work place, the person who hired us must appreciate us. And there may be other similar people who can be part of our social network.

The third step is to do our job well. Focus on the tasks at hand. Don’t waste the time on the negative vibes at the office. Find ways to relax at work. Humour always helps. For example, print out on an A4 paper the following message, “I’m simply the best!“, and put it on your wall in the office.

If shit hits the fan and the xenophobic persons have too much effect on our wellbeing, then look for another job with an inspiring working environment. I know such places exist!

Walk away from the xenophobic work place as if you would walk out of a hospital. You met some sick people towards whom you showed understanding. Close the door to “the hospital”, wash your hands and smile. You’re back among healthy people!