The Happiness Safe Haven – the love for the people around you

Posted on September 5, 2013 by oana

Happiness means different things to different people. For some people, happiness is but an illusion. To me, in order to be happy, you need to choose to be happy and learn how to balance between the things that make you happy. Out of all the things, finding ways of expressing love for the people around is a constant source of happiness.

A more stable source of happiness

Wikipedia defines happiness as “a mental or emotional state of well-being characterised by positive or pleasant emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy.” In this range of positive emotions, I would include for example satisfaction, peacefulness, cheerfulness, exhilaration and excitement.

Aristotle wittily observed that happiness is the only thing that human beings want for its own sake. Health, love, money and any achievement are wanted for the sake of happiness.

In the pursuit of money or professional goals, happiness is postponed until you become rich or you’ve reached your goals. And when the moment comes, you can’t be happy because you want even more or you want something else. As Henry David Thoreau, an American author, poet and philosopher said well, “Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder.”

I like to think of happiness as a garden where I plant seeds of love, compassion, empathy and gratefulness. Care and dedication are needed so that the seeds grow into beautiful flowers, which spread their scent into the soul and colour it with their colours.

The love you have inside does not need to be chased. It only needs to be put into light and nourished.

Cultivate your ability to love

There are many people around you who need your love: your partner, children, parents, friends or simple strangers. Cooking a special dinner for your family in the middle of the week, taking your child to his favourite playground, bringing a bouquet of flowers to an elderly work colleague in a cloudy day are all acts of love which fuel compassion and empathy in you.

Compassion and empathy help you to grow into a human being with constant consideration for the people you interact with. Ultimately, thinking how to make others happy is making you happy.

Whenever you have heavier issues to tackle in a relationship, use all the compassion that you have. How would you want others to tell you about their worries? Choose your words carefully. Careless and harsh words will hurt you both.

For example, in a marriage, it’s needed to acknowledge all the things that your partner does to make you happy. Being grateful for what you have is a basis for improving or just letting be what there is already.

To me, a happy life is based on the wise choice of thoughts, words and actions so that they create positive energy inside and around you. And when there is no sunshine in your life, hold onto all the love you have and embrace the strong belief that underneath all the troubles you may go through, the joy is lurking to shine through when the time is right.

Now about you? What is happiness to you?

A home across two countries

Posted on August 17, 2013 by oana

Moving to another country can change the perception upon important aspects of life, such as the meaning of home. In time, you understand that one side of you belongs in the country of residence whereas the other side has never left from the country of origins. Reconciling both sides is very important for maintaining your authentic self.

According to the travel writer Pico Iyer, there are 220,000,000 people around the world who live outside their home countries. I am one of these people. When I moved to Finland, I thought I would experience the Finnish way of living for two years and then I’d return back home.

The working environment based on trust and creative freedom made me stay longer. Twelve years after, my residence is still in Helsinki.

When I travel, people usually ask me, “Where are you from?” I may strike them as a strange person when they see me slightly confused and taking a deep breath before answering.

Sometimes I go ahead with the popular saying, “Home is where I hang my hat.”, so I reply “Finland”. Some other times, I reply “Romania”, because that’s where I find my inner peace and I feel closer to God.

The Finnish language, the emotional distance between people and the architecture of the buildings are a reminder that I am an alien to the city where my life is. Thanks to family and friends, I am an alien who is warmly welcome there.

Yet, now and then, I feel the need to retreat to the place which is my true home. Over here, I feel in alignment with the nature.

I watch the sun hiding slowly behind the horizon and I think, “This was a beautiful day!”

Late at night, I look at the starry sky and my heart beats calmly as if it tunes in with the eternity.

The sounds of birds waking me up in the morning are an inspiration for the day about to start – “There is life out there, wake up to feel it!”.

Over here, I stumble upon some people with an incurable joy of life. Talking with them is the best therapy for the soul.

But after a while, this home of mine feels too small. I feel the need to go back into the big and challenging world and discover uncharted sides of my true self.

Living abroad put into light a new meaning of home – Home is the people and place my soul feels to be around, for a while. My home is my soul.

How about you? What is home for you?

How to stay on the funny side of life

Posted on August 6, 2013 by oana

You can choose to live your life as a comedy. Humour can positively change your perception on life experiences. If you think that life is more about serious matters, please reconsider. You can learn to see the funny side of life.

Humour can bring lots of benefits in your life. It can make you happier and healthier by helping you cope with stress. It can help you heal if you have more serious traumas. It can make you more attractive in the eyes of the opposite sex.

It helps you see more of the beautiful side of life.

First step – appreciate humour

One of my favourite movie characters is Guido, starred by Roberto Benigni in “La vita e bella”, Life is beautiful. Guido’s enthusiasm of life and amazing humour help him protect his son from the Nazi camp.

I wanted to be a little bit like Guido. My uncle was like him – gifted with creative humour in all sorts of life situations. Once we attended a wedding, where the guests were sitting at their tables and eating the festive food, with serious faces. The only place where laughters were soaring in the air was the corner where we were seated. After a few minutes of storytelling, uncle remarked, “We wouldn’t have so much fun if we weren’t ourselves.”

As for myself, well, I was certainly capable to appreciate humour but was I capable to create my own humour? Could just anyone improve their sense of humour?

According to research done by Nevo, Aharonson and Klingman (1998), on a sample of 101 female teachers, humour can be learned. The most efficient way to learn to be more humorous is to identify on your own what type of humour resonates mostly within you.

Second step – Develop your personal humour

There seem to be at least 29 types of written and spoken humour. It’s big enough a portfolio to have something for everyone.

My favourite types of humour are the self-deprecating, blunders, situational humour, and jokes. In my everyday life, situations often reflect these types of humour. How about you, which type of humour do you like?

The self-deprecating humour and the blunders can help changing your perception about the past and slowly let it go. It is human to look back at the past and lament over the painful moments.

You can teach yourself to look at the mistakes of the past and see how foolish they can appear in hindsight.

The situational humour – can help us get over embarrassing or tense moments, i.e. a date which does not go quite as expected. As a parent, I realised that there are moments throughout a day when instead of getting angry with my toddler, I choose to laugh.

For example, you step into your living room with freshly painted walls. You breathe in content the smell of paint when you notice your toddler’s blue paint fingerprints on the wall.

Jokes, especially the inside jokes you have with your partner or close people are a wonderful way of bonding. At the same time, inside jokes can release the tension in moments of conflicts when suddenly you crack a joke which makes the other one burst out laughing.

Why dwelling on problems when you can boost your joy by finding the comic side of life.

A good laughter can save the day!

How about you? What kind of humour would you like to bring more in your every day life?

Don’t wait for inspiration to come to you

Posted on July 5, 2013 by oana

Inspiration, “the divine influence or action on a person”, “the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions”, as defined by Merriam-Webster, can uplift us from the ordinary to extraordinary human beings. It has the ability to energise our inner life to the point where we start taking action and bring the best contributions to our family life, work place and indirectly, society. The secret is to relentlessly look for it, even when we get tired and numbed by stress.

Muses are still on demand

The Greek mythology speaks about the nine Muses, daughters of Zeus, who were the source of inspiration for humans creating poetry, literature, music and science. Poets and writers of Renaissance and Neoclassical era would invoke the presence of the Muse, usually embodied by a woman, for inspiration.

In the modern society, we all need our sources of inspiration, irrespective of what kind of job we perform or what kind of life we live. We need someone or something that triggers positive changes in us and makes us perform at our best.

This June, I attended the Elevation seminar where 70 people from 18 different nationalities participated. It was a three-day event during which, the running nose and hoarse voice didn’t prevent me from chatting with the other participants, with different professional backgrounds – technology designers, real estate agents, bloggers, business executives, rap musicians, academics, stay-at-home moms.

Their stories had a common element – the need for inspiration! And we were at the right place, with the philosophy professor Esa Saarinen whose lectures aimed at helping us reflect on what uplifts us.

In every day life, when routine kicks in and the stress dulls the mind, it’s easy to loose sight of what’s the most important in our life and profession.

We let ourselves sink into the ordinary. It’s perfectly fine and human to be ordinary now and then. The problem is that when we stay for too long in the realm of the ordinary, we miss out the opportunity to surprise ourselves with how much we can achieve by aiming at the extraordinary.

We need a person or an event to brighten the day, to help us get in touch with the extraordinary side in each one of us.

“The ‘Muse’ is not an artistic mystery, but a mathematical equation. The gift are those ideas you think of as you drift to sleep. The giver is that one you think of when you first awake.” – Roman Payne

In order for the Muse to serve its function, we may want to develop the habit of thinking about it and actively looking for it. Here are a few ideas where we can find our modern Muses:

Personal heroes – Childhood stories are known for enriching children fantasy. Kids are introduced to a world of supernatural characters where anything is possible and the good wins.

Children become fond of the heroes, they admire them and they may even try to behave like their favourite story characters.

We may forget that we were ever kids. But, if we take a closer look inside us, there is a tiny bit of Peter Pan in each one of us – the boy who never aged.

The way Peter Pan interacts with mermaids, fairies and pirates, the Peter Pan in us can help us keep our heart and mind open to being inspired by people from different areas of life.

Our grandmother, elementary school teacher or a stranger about whom we read in a book or newspaper, can become inspirational figures.

For example, my latest hero is Mendeleyev’s extraordinary mother, stoic and determined. Dmitri Mendeleyev coined the Periodic Table, helping chemists to have some order and clarity in the chemical elements.

He was born in 1834 in western Siberia, in a very large family. His mother not only that she gave birth to fourteen children (seventeen, according to other sources) but she was the only supporter of the family. Quite extraordinarily for a woman of those times, she became the manager of a profitable glass factory!

When the factory burned down and the family was left penniless, she hitchhiked with her youngest son, Dmitri Mendeleyev for 4000 miles to St Petersburg to enrol him at the Institute of Pedagogy. She died soon after that. (Bill Bryson, A Short History of Nearly Everything)

Stories about people – There is another aspect of hearing stories about others: they remind us of what’s important and valuable in life. At the Elevation Seminar, professor Esa Saarinen shared an emotional story about a prominent figure in the Finnish history, general Mannerheim.

The inspiring aspect of such story came from general Mannerheim’s wisdom to cultivate human connection with his soldiers, thus uplifting their moral.

Each morning, the general – who didn’t smoke – would walk among soldiers with a cigarette in his hands. When a soldier would come to lit his cigarette, Mannerheim would start a small dialogue with the respective man, whom he would ask, “Where’s your house, soldier?”.

Be around inspiring people – feeling accepted and appreciated by someone else can have a tremendous drive on everything else that we are doing.

A strong hug, a heartfelt smile or a compliment can make us excel at our tasks.

Have you noticed that there are some people in our network of friends and acquaintances that have the beautiful gift of making us blossom when interacting with them? The chemistry or the natural connection results in bringing into light sides of ourselves we were not aware of.

Magically, we become funnier, more incisive, smarter, wittier, etc. This kind of human beings can effortlessly help bring the best in us.

Relaxing – Another wonderful effect when interacting with this special group of people is that they can make us feel relaxed. Their presence helps us forget about everything and focus on the present with them.

When they are not around, we can use another trick to relax and find the inspiration that comes from within: meditating for 10 minutes under the window wide open, each morning. The fresh air connects us to the source of life and revitalizes the body, soul and mind.

Inspirational quotes, such the ones in Hugh Prather’s Morning Notes, should not be underestimated. They take a few seconds to read and they can help keep the inner balance throughout the day!

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

One of the biggest miracles is the inspiration that a person can give to another person.

How about you? Where do you get your inspiration from?

What to focus on when friends bail out on you

Posted on May 23, 2013 by oana

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”. Matthew 7:12

It comes a time when we need help and those we previously helped are the first persons we run to. Unlike expected, reciprocity is not guaranteed. What kind of attitude should we embrace then?

Should we bear grudge?

Rumour spread in my native town that the wife of my math teacher from high-school had been fighting with a rare type of stomach cancer for years.

He is one of the few teachers who instilled the passion for knowledge in me. As a token of appreciation, I decided to pay a visit and see for myself how they cope.

His wife was in the hospital, fighting for her life. He was in the garden in front of their house, making phone calls to raise some money for her medication.

He’d sold all his possessions. He had nothing more to sell. His last resort solution was to borrow money from relatives and friends.

Much to his surprise, individuals whom he had helped under different circumstances, conjured up excuses for not being able to lend money.

The genius mind teacher that I knew had been replaced by a wounded beast with hatred in his heart.

“My heart got sick the day when a former student who is now quite a well-off man declined any help.”, he said. “For three years, I had taught him private classes for free.”

“Life is treacherous. People are treacherous.”

These are the words of a 70 years old Romanian singer who was asked to describe some of her core beliefs in an interview.

My first reaction was to pity her for having such a gloomy outlook on people. Contemplating more on it, I concluded that she adopted a rather cautious attitude.

Indeed, human beings can be cruel, violent, savages, liars, contemptuous, gossipy, mean, etc. Bearing these negative characteristics in mind, we are less vulnerable to others’ behaviour.

At the same time, human beings can be empathic, highly moral, compassionate, kind, and loving. Such individuals can be firm adepts of the Golden Rule, which states that we should treat others the way we would want them to treat us.

In my view, humanity is in a constant fight against the bad with the good in us and outside us. As Albert Einstein said, “The world is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look at it without doing anything”.

The question is how can the good Samaritans maintain the goodness inside when others won’t lift a finger in their times of need?

After all, any kind person can feel embittered, angry, disillusioned and betrayed when being mistreated by peers!

Staying aware throughout the emotional meltdown

When being hurt, it is darn difficult to remember not to take others’ treatment to heart. Most of the times, others’ behaviour reflects sides of who they are.

They may have their own problems, maybe not be as urgent or crucial as ours, but nevertheless prioritised.
They may have a partner who is in charge with the family finances.
They may be modern embodiments of Dickens’s Scrooge, too greedy to lend a penny.

The bewilderment of the refusal may cloud the awareness of the unconscious expectation, which we place on others the moment we help them. Some of us take it as a moral obligation to return the help subsequently.

Yet, not every person has high morals. So, when we treat others the way we would like to be treated, we need to be aware that we choose to do that. Because we believe in that.

Spreading goodness is a value in life. Like any other value, it is not absolute. If others choose to live by other values, we need to learn to let them be.

Alignment of life circumstances

When the help is not reciprocated, we can safeguard our wellbeing by thinking, “Well, he can’t help me now. But maybe someone else will.”

Maybe there is a timing of the Universe regarding what people can be helpful, where and when. There is a stroke of fate when we cross our way with others whose life circumstances are in alignment with ours.

Preferably sooner than later, we will find our way out of the tornado of negative emotions and marvel at the mysterious dynamism of life based on the Law and the Prophets.

If you experienced similar situations, how did you react towards the persons who didn’t treat you as good as you had treated them before?

How can travelling broaden the mind?

Posted on May 16, 2013 by oana

“Home, sweet home”. Most of us sigh with relief when we return from a trip. For a day or so, we feel refreshed to be back to our life, the way we know it – with our habits and struggles. Yet, have we ever considered a new destination as a potential home?

Travelling challenges our abilities

In the 19th century, English aristocrats would send their youngsters on journeys of initiation. The aim of the journey was to enable young men the transformation to the stage of adulthood.

Some of today’s youngsters, including women, continue this tradition. Their goal can be to take distance from their parents and see what they’d like to do in life.

Irrespective of age, venturing abroad can be an eye opener to hidden sides of ourselves.

The unknown environment is suitable for testing our abilities. For example, if we get lost in a new city, we can resort to:

Asking for help from locals. We may want to do that to test how well we manage talking to people in a foreign language.
Using our intuition. No matter if we are intuitive type of person, we may still want to test if our intuition can bring us back on the right track.
Using the GPS application on our phone, if we want to become an every day tech-savvy.

When we are back home, we may surprise ourselves with creative solutions to the problems which seemed insurmountable before the trip.

Visit new cities as if you would temporarily move there

When I discover a new city, I like imagining how my everyday life would be if that place were my home. I choose to focus on the positive sides of the respective habitat.

In Barcelona, I would live close to the Barceloneta beach, so that I can have my daily dialogues with the sea and make my way in the streets among enthusiastic tourists.

In Paris, I’d live in the Latin Quarter to be surrounded by student life and book stores evoking the literary past.

In Amsterdam, I’d choose to live for one month on a boat on the Canal to wake up with a different view at the window, each morning.

After imagining how it would be to live in different places, we can become aware how the surrounding environment can influence our state of mind and our thoughts.

Wherever I Lay My Hat (That’s My Home)

This is the title of a song which was first recorded in 1962. Some of us identify themselves so much with the house where they live and the objects in it, that it must be very hard imagining another place called home.

Without doubt, it is good for our emotional balance to feel rooted in a place. Yet, it is even better for our psychological and spiritual growth to develop the ability to feel like home wherever we go.

Every city has one characteristic that resonates in us and reveals who we truly are.

How about you, what do you like about travelling? And how does travelling affect you?

How can we fight the expectations of the dear ones on us?

Posted on May 9, 2013 by oana

“If we could see ourselves as others see us, we would vanish on the spot.” – Emil Cioran

Others’ expectations on us have a direct effect on how we behave, as shown by a social psychology study done by Dr. Snyder from University of Minnesota and his colleagues. Understanding that our behaviour is affected by others expectations can help us see how we turn into different persons in various social situations. When it comes to persons we feel affection for, their expectations can affect our lives at even a deeper level. Why are we influenced by expectations from dear ones and how can we realistically manage any of their negative effects on our lives?

When we feel how others see us

Early morning, the rain was pattering against the windows.

The rest of the family was sleeping, while I was awake, feeling disappointed with myself for not being able to put into practice my birthday resolution.

I had promised to myself an act of liberty – to start learning how to break free from the silent expectations that others may have on me.

I was staring at the fog outside the window. It was so dense that I got the feeling that it would be just a matter of minutes before it broke into our house.

The sudden shriek of a seagull disturbed the rhythmic noise of the rain drops. Even the fog flickered.

My inner peace is startled in the same way when someone I care about behaves as if, “You’ve disappointed me!”

Momentarily, the energy level goes down with frustration. Why do others have opinions about how I should live my life?

Not only that, but they adopt a silent disapproval, which is even more compelling. Eventually, we may give in and start considering how we can behave as others expect us to. We start considering how we can please.

Love and expectations

Are we afraid that failing to live up to the unspoken expectations would make others love us less?

The truth is that love and expectations have nothing to do with each other. Love comes from the heart, expectations come from the mind.

So, any expectation someone else might have on us is reflecting their own mindset and perspective on life.

As much as we care about someone else – be that our partner, parents, siblings, friends or colleagues -, it would not be fair for us to adjust our behaviour so that it can fit their view on life.

In a party, it is fun to be flirtatious with the man in whose eyes you read, “You’re sexy!”. The way others view can temporary change our behaviour.

But, the expectations of the loved ones on us can bring tremendous turmoil in our life.

In times of emotional unbalance, it may be hard to remember that we have our own life to live and we owe it to our true self to live unhindered by others’ opinions or emotional reactions.

Forgive others for expecting

It’s important to be observe how much our wellbeing is dependent on others expectations and decide to do something about it.

It may help to be more mindful next time when the turmoil is about to start. Instead of making yet another compromise, we can go on taking action based on our principles and beliefs.

Otherwise, we’ll get old and feeling like failures if we keep on asking ourselves, “What will mother think if I venture into a trip around the world?”. And later on, “If mother were alive, what would she think if …?”

We should not expect that others’ expectations on us will ever stop. On the contrary, one expectation leads to another. And maybe that’s their way to show that they love and care about us.

What we can do is not to react to the demands on what we should do or shouldn’t do. And we need to practice patience until the frustration, anger and sadness caused by their interference go away.

Our reward is the inner peace, which shall be restored again!

Maybe we should avoid wondering how others see us in order to blossom.

To help or not to help others

Posted on May 2, 2013 by oana

“Speak to all people as though they are the wisest, gentlest and most beautiful beings on Earth; for what they believe, they become.” – Heather K. O’Hara

The history of mankind is full of lamentable wars and conflicts. In each case, there are stories of how individuals helped others fighting for the same cause. In times of peace, how much are we willing to help one another and why would we be willing to do it?

How natural it is to help others?

For many years, I’ve been living in my cloud of naiveté where I believed that everyone is willing to help others.

I thought that every human being is ready to …

Be aware of others needs. For example, sitting in the train and listening to the narration of the person sitting opposite to you.

Offer flowers to show appreciation, admiration, love or even encouragement.

Offer drinks or dinner to a friend who happens to go through a tough time.

Smile at strangers, whether that’s the shop assistant or the person with whom you have a random eye contact in the street.

Say encouraging words. Observing a particular strength that someone has and say it to that person when she may feel under the weather.

Give a lift, etc

In Finland, I became acquainted with another way of living – I can do it alone, I don’t need help and I don’t offer it either. As a result, if I push a pram, carry a back bag and hold a shopping bag while leaving the supermarket, I am prepared to depend solely on my physical strength to see my way through the shop door.

Helping at any cost?

Of course, helping others shouldn’t become a burden for ourselves. For example, should a friend ask for a lift at 3 am, then maybe we can politely suggest to use the service of a night taxi.

Helping others should feel good. If we feel uncomfortable about smiling for example, then we should not do it.

But if we are willing to help people, and yet too shy to approach them, then we may want to do something about our shyness.

At the same time, when it comes to approaching strangers, then we may want to use our common sense and figure out what would be the best way of offering help. For example, some mothers would not accept any help with getting the pram in the bus.

Offering and receiving help is a choice.

Why should we help?

The short and simple answer is because we WANT to help. Most certainly, each human being has her motivation for helping. As far as I am concerned, I admit that I feel happy and useful when I help someone.

If I am to receive help from someone else, I prefer to receive it from people who have the same motivation as me for doing it.

Helping someone and expecting something in return is not help. It’s manipulative behaviour, which makes the person who’s been helped to feel indebted.

Helping – expecting anything in return or spreading joy?

When we help with all our heart and good intentions, we contribute to the betterment of goodness in the world. We may inspire other people to do the same.

Helping for the sake of helping increases the awareness of interconnection between individuals. We may not be aware how much our happiness is affected by others happiness, until we are in a group of people. Then we have the chance to see how uplifted or down we may feel depending on the general mood in the group.

So, if you are one of those who believe in helping others, let’s start planting seeds of happiness in people more often. And let’s see how much happier we will become.

Yes, it does take some of our time and energy to think of others and sometimes some money to help others. But we wouldn’t have survived so far, if we hadn’t taken care of one another.

A tiny bit of nostalgia can’t be that bad

Posted on April 25, 2013 by oana

We wouldn’t be human beings if we didn’t feel nostalgic once in a while. We easily miss the present by getting lost in the memories of the good old times. Undoubtedly, we need to learn how to stay present to our daily experiences in order to discover the authenticity and depth of the surrounding reality. I wonder though if a tad of nostalgia can help us be more prepared to live the present?

Mindfulness

I believe in the healing effects of mindfulness. By learning how to stay focused on the task at hand, we can become more aware of our emotions and improve our wellbeing.

One mindfulness technique is to focus on the breathing in our body whenever we feel we lose touch with what’s going on at the moment.

For example, whenever I realise I am too much into my thoughts and don’t cherish the presence of my toddler, I take a deep breath, I leave aside any other task I might be doing and delve into playing with him.

His laughter is melting my heart. I feel blessed for sharing that moment with him.

Yet, there are moments when nostalgia kicks in and I let it be.

Nostalgia is human

I want to feel the “don’t forget the loved ones” type of nostalgia.

It’s my way of keeping in the heart the people whom I dearly loved once but who passed away. I indulge myself in the past where I can still see their faces and hear their voices.

It was a sunny day, one of the first days of late Spring, as it usually is in Helsinki. I was with my toddler at the playground and I started a game of the mind. I imagined how they would play with him.

My grandfather would have played hide and seek with him.

My uncle would have cracked some jokes and did a few hocus-pocus tricks.

My grandmother would have just waited for us with some pancakes when we returned from the playground.

Sometimes, the past and present are one

Where were we? Ah, on the playground, my son is playing in the sand.

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, compensating with some cold, for the warmth of the sun rays.

Without the past, we wouldn’t have the present. Thanks to the people who loved us once, we have a frame of reference for loving in the present.

Nostalgia awareness

I believe that it does good to us to invite the past in the present every now and then. In my case, nostalgia comes with a precious reminder that love is the only thing which is eternal. I received it in abundance, now it’s my time to pass it on.

It does good to us to travel back in time as long as we are able to maintain a faithful memory about the past. If we are truthful to the past, we can tell better how we turned into who we are today. And we’ll feel more comfortable about who we are today.

We were not perfect back then. We are not perfect now. But we can try to become the best that we can be.

How about you? Do you get nostalgic often? How faithful recollection of the past do you believe you have?

I am not ready yet

Posted on April 18, 2013 by oana

When the natural rhythm of life is disturbed by acts of violence, terrorism or forces of nature, the humanity in us wakes up. We feel for the victims, we weep for them, we may even say a prayer for them. At the same time, the tragedy is a wake up call for our tendency to procrastinate living fully.

The Boston explosion

On Monday, the 15th of April, the marathon runners in Boston were the victims of two bomb explosions, which took place in the proximity of the finish line.

Three people were killed and more than 100 injured, as New York Times reports.

The breaking news gave chills down on my spine. I avoided seeing images from the carnage. It was hard enough to read the report.

Pretend you were there in the midst of the smoke and panic

Imagine being one of the marathon runners. You happily participate in the annual event that is supposed to be a celebration of the Spring when you get caught in the middle of a blast.

Suddenly the only thing that matters is survival.

You may have been in a relationship where you felt you couldn’t get too involved. Or, you were waiting for the other one to commit.

You may have been eagerly waiting for the newly appointed manager, who as the rumours has it, has better people skills than the former.

You may have been trying to have a baby.

You may have been excited to get to pension so that you can finally do whatever you want with your time.

Then, the explosion comes from a garbage can and changes your life for ever. Ready or not, you need to cope with the consequences. Maybe you lost one leg.

Why are we waiting?

For those of us who only read or heard on the news about it, the Boston explosion should make us reflect upon what is going on in our lives at the moment. Hopefully, most of us will realise that our life is great just the way it is.

Yet, some of us may want to start working on the list of pending personal projects.

Do we want to … start writing a diary?

… renovate the kitchen?

… lose weight?

… travel to a remote destination?

… learn how to tango?

… study for an MBA?

… find the soulmate?

Then, what are we waiting for? What holds us back to take action?

Is it that we are afraid of the unknown? Of what the loved ones might say? Or of failure?

Are we waiting for the right time and place? What does that mean anyway?

It is true that when it comes to big life changing events, such as finding the soulmate, it is not quite up to us. There is the will of the Universe, which decides the right place and time when it happens.

But this does not mean that meanwhile we can just stare at the moon each night, sighing with longing.

We need to go out there and look for the right one, for example, at the gym or while walking the dog.

The Boston bombing is yet another tragic illustration that our life ends in the split of a second.

Most of us are not ready for that second, but when it does come, the least we can do is to have no regrets.

How about you? How many times in your life did you feel that you are not YET ready to make small or big changes? Did you take any actions eventually and what made you do that?

Discoveries Into Yourself

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