Time to take, time to give

As our parents are getting old, there are some sides of their personality which worsen. The love for them gives us the energy to stand by their side. And we need lots of energy! Maintaining our inner balance can be a challenge and an opportunity for personal growth.

You too must have a special person whom you call first when you have a joy or sorrow to share. It comes a time when it’s your turn to be by her side.

You tap into the most empathic and compassionate side of yourself and you listen. You’ve learned from previous experiences that it’s better to be silent.

Previously, you may have tried to be helpful with positive arguments and solutions.

Alas, every single time, the unawareness kept her as hostage in a world of gloom and fears.

This time you’ll take a different approach – you’ll absorb the negative thoughts.

Her soul is tormented and you can’t do anything about it. You can only love her because she’s your mother!

On verge of falling in the abyss of desolation, you realise that the ultimate help is for you to stay present and keep the joy alive.

The joy and hope she’ll have more constructive thoughts too.

In your heart, there is the memory of her – an energetic fighter, kind to you. Today, she’s been ageing.

Today, your relationship has changed. You are her shoulder to cry on from now.

You look at your child and you see your mother in you – when she was young.

Time is irreversibly changing you and her. You can only hold onto the gratefulness that she’s in your life.

It is painful to watch your mother ageing. Each one of us identifies partly with their parents and when they decline, a part of us goes with them.

A new phase starts when the roles have changed – you’re the parent and she’s the child.

Now, about you – how do you cope seeing your parents ageing? How has your relationship with them changed?

About regrets, forgiveness and joy

“No, nothing,
I don’t regret anything
Not the good that others have done to me
Not the bad, it’s all the same to me
Because my life, my joys

Today, they begin with you.” Edith Piaf, the song, “Je ne regrette rien”

It took a trip to the side of town where I used to live 9 years ago to understand that the past is recorded in my soul and it only needs an external event to trigger it out. Some regrets came to the surface of consciousness but forgiveness jumped in to help and brought joy instead.

The city – unchartered map of personal life stages

The other day I had some errands to do in a part of town where I used to live at the time when I was studying for my PhD. Since the weather was generous with us, I said to my toddler, “Let’s take a walk in this neighbourhood.”

When we were crossing the park that I used to see every day on my way to the campus, a heavy feeling nested in my chest. “This park was one of the few daily joys at that time.” I mentioned to my son, relieved that he does not quite understand what mommy is blabbering.

Feelings, which I thought were long forgotten, stormed in. If it wasn’t for the company of my child, I would have sworn I was back in time.

I’ve moved house quite a few times, and each time I moved in a new flat, I started a new stage of my life. Most likely, if I visited other neighbourhoods where I lived, I would tap into the emotional life that I had at the respective time.

I used to believe that as we grow and learn our lessons from sufferance, our soul forgets the bad and rejoices the good.

I don’t know how you are, but it appears that my soul is similar to computer databases. If the latter stores business transactions, my soul is storing the emotions lived.

Good or bad, they are both imprinted inside and it takes time and spiritual strength to move closer to the state of being of peacefulness and acceptance of the past.

Regrets, there are a few. They shall be mentioned, should I cross my way with the persons I was unjust with.

But, past is past and our life is in the present. And my present is my son.

In order to fully embrace the present, forgiveness towards ourselves can help us heal the wounds caused by regrets.

Would you like to turn back the time?

If you can’t truly forgive yourself, in your fantasies, you can turn back the time if you want to. Live imageries where you apologise from your heart. You can cry, or smash some dishes in the kitchen. Then, return to your present.

Most likely, the present holds its own challenges. Life becomes way too complex if we carry the burden of the past to entangle it with the hardships of the present.

Comparing life stages just to make a point that we are better off or worse off in the present is such a waste of energy.

It does not matter if we were happier or more miserable 5 years ago. It matters that we are here and now and we need to do our best with our emotions, intellectual and spiritual abilities to live the now.

At the end of this life, I’d like to be able to say wholeheartedly, “I did my best to live beautifully!” The emotions and thoughts recorded in my personal database would stand as clear evidence.

There is no joy or love that would be lost, they are all preserved in us!

Do you have any regrets? If you do, how much do you think they affect your ability to live the present?