Tag Archives: love

A tiny bit of nostalgia can’t be that bad

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We wouldn’t be human beings if we didn’t feel nostalgic once in a while. We easily miss the present by getting lost in the memories of the good old times. Undoubtedly, we need to learn how to stay present to our daily experiences in order to discover the authenticity and depth of the surrounding reality. I wonder though if a tad of nostalgia can help us be more prepared to live the present?

Mindfulness

I believe in the healing effects of mindfulness. By learning how to stay focused on the task at hand, we can become more aware of our emotions and improve our wellbeing.

One mindfulness technique is to focus on the breathing in our body whenever we feel we lose touch with what’s going on at the moment.

For example, whenever I realise I am too much into my thoughts and don’t cherish the presence of my toddler, I take a deep breath, I leave aside any other task I  might be doing and delve into playing with him.

His laughter is melting my heart. I feel blessed for sharing that moment with him.

Yet, there are moments when nostalgia kicks in and I let it be.

Nostalgia is human

I want to feel the “don’t forget the loved ones” type of nostalgia.

It’s my way of keeping in the heart the people whom I dearly loved once but who passed away. I indulge myself in the past where I can still see their faces and hear their voices.

It was a sunny day, one of the first days of late Spring, as it usually is in Helsinki. I was with my toddler at the playground and I started a game of the mind. I imagined how they would play with him.

My grandfather would have played hide and seek with him.

My uncle would have cracked some jokes and did a few hocus-pocus tricks.

My grandmother would have just waited for us with some pancakes when we returned from the playground.

Sometimes, the past and present are one

Where were we? Ah, on the playground, my son is playing in the sand.

The sun is shining, the wind is blowing, compensating with some cold, for the warmth of the sun rays.

Without the past, we wouldn’t have the present. Thanks to the people who loved us once, we have a frame of reference for loving in the present.

Nostalgia awareness

I believe that it does good to us to invite the past in the present every now and then. In my case, nostalgia comes with a precious reminder that love is the only thing which is eternal. I received it in abundance, now it’s my time to pass it on.

It does good to us to travel back in time as long as we are able to maintain a faithful memory about the past. If we are truthful to the past, we can tell better how we turned into who we are today. And we’ll feel more comfortable about who we are today.

We were not perfect back then. We are not perfect now. But we can try to become the best that we can be.

 

How about you? Do you get nostalgic often? How faithful recollection of the past do you believe you have?

 

Bye bye sufferance, welcome mindfulness!

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Making changes in life is a complex process, which can cause lots of confusion. Mindfulness, the ability to focus on the present without being judgemental can help us manage the change in a healthier and more pleasant manner.

When we talk about change in personal life, mindfulness means mainly wrapping ourselves in the love inside and around us. At the same time, it is important to cultivate patience, courage and faith – pillars of mindfulness of change. 

What is the intuition telling you?

Now when the Spring is sheepishly showing its face, some of us can’t help paying attention to their inner voice which says, “A new stage of life transformation is waiting for you.”

It’s not the first life transformation you’re going through! Oh no! Your soul and mind remember how it is to be battered with self-doubt, insecurities and fear of failure. Agonising between the lows of disappointment and the highs of envisioned dreams, you may conclude, “Why bother! Life is good the way it is!”.

For some of us, life is good the way it is, and we are free to reply to our inner voice, “Why don’t you bugger off?”

Others say, “You know what, Inner Voice? This new life transformation is part of my destiny. Thank you for reminding me! ”

For once, we can make the change happen with less sufferance, and a more positive attitude to change.

Positive Attitude to Change

Love: Focusing on the love inside and around us is the anchor to the present.

Be present both with the body and soul to the dear ones who need us. Find creative ways of spending time together. Be receptive to their needs.

You may think you don’t have time. Well, think twice. Don’t underestimate the inspiration and creativity that spring from love.

Patience: Take the steps towards the new chapter in life, but do keep in mind that patience is a virtue. Be persistent and reassess your strategies.

Life transformation is a complex process that consists of different stages: hearing the inner call to change, searching for ways to make it happen, concrete actions, achievement.

Courage: Achievement means living the transformation. There is no such thing as failure. Each transformation brings us closer to who we really are.

The transformed life may not be the way we envisioned it, but it surely feels that’s the life we are meant to live.

Faith: Hold onto the belief that change has its own timing. Don’t be discouraged by the surrounding reality, which does not seem to point in the direction of change.

The way the first bird singing signals that Spring is around the corner, in the same way, the whisper of the inner voice shows that we will get all the help of the Universe to make the transformational stage happen.

Last but not least, take a deep breath, relax and enjoy the ride with all the bumps on the road! This is life!

The Dormant Richness Inside Each One Of Us

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Where does happiness come from?

“Happiness consists more in small conveniences or pleasures that occur every day, than in great pieces of good fortune that happen but seldom.”, Benjamin Franklin, the Founding Father of USA.

Most certainly, it is easy to agree with Benjamin Franklin’s view on happiness. We all have our small joys in life, such as watching a TV series or going to an ice-hockey game in the weekend. The problem is that we don’t perceive these small joys as real and long-lasting happiness. Instead, our minds are wired to chase the happiness, which comes from the “good fortune”. And this is how we go through life feeling empty, depressed, miserable, self-disillusioned and bitter.

The hope helps us survive the bottom line. We will be happy when we find love, when we get our dream job, when I get promoted, when we become a mother, when our sexual life gets better, when we are rich, after I divorce, etc. Yet, all these future expectations are beguiling and the very source of unhappiness. For example, if you do become rich, there will always be room for making more money. Therefore, the chase after happiness continues and the present is a struggle. Or, if you do get promoted, you may be disillusioned to realise that it is not bringing as much happiness as you expected.

Are there any chance for us human beings to be happy at certain points in our lifetime?

Research on happiness has flourished in the last ten years, offering to individuals self-help tips on how to find their own happiness. Here are few books, which I consider worthy of mentioning: Sonja Lyubormiski, The Myths of Happiness, and Robert Biswas-Diener and Ed Diener, Unlocking The Mysteries of Psychological Wealth. Scientific studies show that we can at least reach happy moods and irrespective of what causes these happy moods, they “lead people to be more productive, more likeable, more active, more healthy, more friendly, more helpful, more resilient, and more creative.” (Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness, pp. 265)

Have you ever made this test to observe people from the distance? If you did, I am sure you agree that you can spot the unhappy ones by the way they carry themselves. Especially in the case of us women, the gloomy atmosphere in our minds reflects in our body movements.

Has it ever happened to you to adopt new ways of thinking for few days and think you are finally happy just before you slide back into the old way of viewing the world? Is sustainable happiness but an abstract concept that exists in the work of psychologists such as Sonja Lyubomirsky?

Can we reach a steady level of happiness?

How we relate to happiness differs from one individual to another, depending on our genetical heritage, our childhood and adulthood experiences. However, I strongly believe that we all can find our glimpses of long-lasting happiness by digging out the dusty characteristics which make us human.

Compassion, empathy, love, gratitude, altruism, soul-to-soul connection: they all live in us, the problem is that they have been forgotten. The age of science has brought wonderful advancements into the world at the cost of taking us away from who we really are: human beings.

If we want to be happy, we need to take a good look inside and cultivate the seeds of all these characteristics that make us human. Yes, it hurts when we feel that there is not love in our life. While we are waiting for love, we’d benefit from turning our face and soul towards the people around us and offer them the crumbles of love that there are in us. When we hear about a sick person who needs money for surgery, why not donating few euros from our income? Why not joining a group of people with similar interests?

Life happens now and we fool ourselves if we think we have control over it and we’ll be happy tomorrow. If we can control something, well that something is the humanity in us. The happiness will follow it.

 

How Faithfully Do Words Reflect Our Emotions?

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I love poetry and romance books. One verse in a poem or one sentence in a book would touch me deeply and would keep me company for days, sometimes weeks. When I started writing poems, it took only a few minutes to write a poem down. The process of creation has always been a mystery to me. For example, I would sit in a bus when I felt there was a poem in me waiting to be written. The next thing was to look for a piece of paper and a pen in my bag. Yet, I realised that as much as I love words, they fail to express the intensity of the feelings bubbling deep inside.

To my mind, especially words like love, joy or grievance are weak indications of the state of being of Love, Joy or Grievance. I remember when I met a friend after her father had passed away. I wanted to say something to show that I genuinely sympathised for her loss. Despite all my effort to come up with an empathic sentence, I quickly said the official “Condolences” to her. I knew there was no word invented which could comfort her a tiny bit. Being by her side in silence was the best thing I could do.

Someone told me, “A good poet or writer will always find words to express feelings.” This may be the case, but not all of us are born poets or writers. Common people feel the urge to communicate strong feelings too.

I was reading Eckhart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth“, when I realised that when feeling pure Love, Joy, or Grievance, the most important is to focus on those states of being without assigning any words to them. Those are the rare moments when we truly live – when the mind is quiet and the inner state is “talking”.

Saying “I love you” maybe not need to be said too often. When Love and Joy are felt at the deepest level of our being, they emanate an energy which is felt by the persons whom we truly love.

I will always be in love with words, especially the ones positively charged, and I am aware how important words are in communication (this blog post is one example). Still, in my opinion, our subjective inner lives are by far much richer. Hence, before hurrying up to express how we feel, it is worthwhile to listen in silence to what we feel.