Everyone talks about love. Everyone dreams about love. Everyone experiences love. Each woman and man has their unique story of love that carry with them. The problem is that for some of us, there is a huge ego which spoils the feeling of love. “What the ego calls love is possessiveness and addictive clinging that can turn into hate within a second.” Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth, pp. 137
As for myself, I started the journey of love by falling in the trap created by my own insecurities. The amazing power of self-illusion worked its way into my heart to make me believe that I was happily in love with my soul mate.
Life turned against me and forced me face the truth: he was not my soul mate and it was not love that I was feeling. Instead, I interpreted friendship and emotional attachment as love. Was it easy to get back to the search of love? I lingered long enough in the relationship, which ended up being unhealthy. Eventually, I broke free but I was damn scared. Not to mention that I hated living alone.
The true self was shouting, “Keep walking!” but I was emotionally stuck, grieving my failure. Luckily, even for hopeless women such as myself, life happens and out of the blue, I was asked out. It was a man I knew and whom I would have not considered as a potential partner, but I accepted his invitation because I was afraid to be alone!
When I was cured of loneliness, I found passion and lust. The side effect of passion was the jealousy. I ended up convincing myself that being jealous is a sign of truly loving someone.
It was only when I felt true love that I understood how damaged I was. I had previously fallen into another trap: that of being manipulated in a love relationship.
After discovering true love, my heart and soul were dipped into the natural feeling of love. I retrieved the way back to the home of divine love, which had secretly lived in me. Still, this time I fell into another trap: of being afraid of losing him and of setting too high expectations of him.
Searching for true love leads to a search for personal freedom and development. We come flawless into this world but we are raised to become flawed. We get involved into love relationships, which sometimes are a reflection of our imperfections and damage us even more. Irrespective whether we may take love for infatuation, sexual desire, emotional connection, or intellectual appeal, any exercise of love is worth taking. The trick is to be able to end the exercise before it does more harm than good. After all, what would our lives be without exercises of romantic love?
They say that life gets better and then we die. So far, I’ve learned that as life gets better, it is worth delving into the nuances of true love where we can listen to the authentic rhythms of life and where together, as woman and man, we are almost perfect.